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| A disguised Dr. Benton is escorted out of Buckingham Palace |
First of all, there’s the question of the extent to which the claim—“we are what we pretend to be”—is true. Are we what we pretend to be? On the one hand, this claim seems obviously false. Pretending to be the Queen of England is not going to win me any privileges at Buckingham Palace. On the other hand, if you pretend to be a friendly person, even though in your heart of hearts you are a resentful jerk, someone might reasonably conclude that your friendly behavior counts for more than the sour attitude you have successfully hidden from the world. And if you pretend to love your job, will your boss really care that deep down, you’d rather be parasailing? When, if ever, do appearances (or actions) matter more than “true feelings”?
Appearances can give credit to a person who doesn't necessarily "feel" that way. People who make sure they get to class on time and show up for every class may appear to be eager to learn or to be a responsible student; however, their true feelings toward the class can be hidden behind a false facade masking the boredom, fatigue, and continual indolence that students have.
ReplyDeleteI think that it is simply human nature to pretend to be the person which we aspire. At some point in all of our lives, we have put up a front or some kind of false pretense, pretending to be the person which we are truly not yet wish we could be. Like Nik said in his earlier post, people use appearances to impress those around us, giving us credit for things that we may not fully deserve credit for. I believe that Kurt Vonnegut means that, although we may only be pretending to act a certain way or be a certain person in front of others, we essentially become this pretense because that is how others have perceived us in their minds. Even if we are only “pretending” to be a certain person or act a certain way, if enough people believe that these are our true feelings and intentions and perceive us as this particular person then we essentially become this person, even if it was only a façade and not how we truly feel. I believe that in the end, however, true emotion will always trump false pretenses... Except if you’re trying to pretend that you’re the Queen of England (Sorry Dr.B!)
ReplyDeleteAside from outright impersonating another individual, I do not think that people "pretend" to be someone else. Everyone has many character traits ranging from the well-mannered to the harmful. However, we do not show all of these qualities at one time. People adapt to the situation in which they have entered by controlling what traits become prominent. For example, when visiting your 95 year old great aunt in a retirement center you are not going to be up to the same antics as you would be on a night out with your friends. This management of attributes creates different facades, and other people, or even yourself, see these as different characters. The control of these qualities varies from person to person. Some people are more open and honest about expressing as many sides as possible (either at appropriate or inappropriate times) and feel comfortable with that kind of exposure. On the other hand some prefer to keep a limit on how much they reveal to certain people. With the latter we may see a side of them that does not coincide with their normal behavior, and this may come as a shock to others that do not recognize such behavior. The complexity of this nature can lead to misinterpretation of a person.
ReplyDeleteTrue feelings are important and matter very much. The inner feelings that people have show who they really are. If you have anger and jealousy in your heart, then you are obviously an unhappy person; regardless of the "face" you put on to be friendly and genuine to other people. You can't pretend forever, so eventually those true feelings of the heart will come out and people will see the real you. I believe that appearances and actions do matter to an extent. No one wants to be around someone who is filled with anger and hatred all the time. But these appearances and actions can't define who you are. Your heart, mind, and feelings are you! It is the inside that counts in the end. If your true feelings are of negative things, such as anger and jealously, then maybe it is time to re-evaluate who you are and try to change. The answer to the question, "when do appearances matter more than "true feelings," is they don't matter more. The key, for me, is to be true to yourself. Why try to be someone else, when you can be yourself! :)
ReplyDeleteI do think people pretend to be someone or something else other than themselves. We consciously decide to act a certain way that makes us appear to have character traits we may not have. I get roped into hanging out with an unpleasant coworker twice a month. I only go because I want to appear nice. During these girls’ night outs, in which we either watch painfully bland children’s movies or attend painfully loud and spirited Christian screamo concerts, I put on a nice face and pretend to enjoy the so called festivities. This does not actually make me a G-rated movie fanatic, a Christ loving screamo fan, or a nice person. There is only one soul on this planet who perceives me as such. If one latches on to how they truly feel, then they can be defined by themselves and by the great beyond as such. It is only when one gets lost in their pretense that the actions matter more than feelings.
ReplyDeleteI feel that there are many instances in life when people tend to rely more on how they appear to the majority rather than their true nature. For instance, in politics many people campaign for a position, and many people put on a so called "front" to persuade the majority to not only vote in favor for their position, but to appear as the "nice guy" and " I can help" type of person. Personally I've found that I would always like to be upfront and show my true feelings and personality towards people. If they accept me, great. If they choose to dislike my personality, thats just fine too.
ReplyDeleteTo follow up on your comment, Nick: when it comes to politics, I like to think of myself as being results-oriented. I care less about the differences between a politician's fake and his or her genuine self than I do about the results he or she can produce. If the politician has a sleazy personal life, it doesn't bother me unless it gets in the way of doing his or her political work.
ReplyDeleteHere's another example: I don't care of a physician is really eager to see me or not when I go to the doctor's office; I want the physician to pretend, at that moment, that I am the most important thing in his or her life. I would not be happy if my physician said to me one day, "You know, Steve, I'm just not feeling it today. I've got a lot of things going on and I'm not really interested in your health problems. Tell what's bothering you, I'll diagnose the problem, and then we can get on with our lives." Whether these were the physician's true feelings or not would not matter to me. Do you think it's possible that we overrate "true feelings"?
I'll go ahead and answer both the original question and Dr. Benton's in one comment, if I can.
ReplyDeleteI believe we do overrate "true feelings". I care about how others feel, but when that person is in the workplace or a position of authority, I would rather not know how they are feeling. They are at work to do their jobs. I was always taught to keep a business-like personality at work, so I expect others to do the same. My personal life and feelings shouldn't get in the way of getting my job done efficiently. In other words, there are times when appearances matter more than "true feelings".
In my opinion, your outer appearance is the only thing that most people care about. If my boss knew that I didn’t really want to do my job but I was still there with a great (even though fake) attitude and being successful with the job, he would not care about my true feelings. That is an example of when appearances matter more than “true feelings”. But on the other hand, if you have to hide your true feelings from a family member or friend, you are not only hurting them but yourself as well. Not being true to yourself and your feelings usually result in unhappiness. If your friends and family truly care about you they would not want you to have to hide who you truly are. True friends want you to be “real” with them, know you from the inside out. Your boss, or any normal boss, really won’t care whether you want to be there or not. As long as the job gets done, you can be as fake as you want.
ReplyDeleteappearances are generally the first thing that people notice about you. If you give off a decent or relatively nice first appearance then usually people will be more receptive and understanding if something comes up that isn't acceptable. For example, when you meet your partners parents for the first time and they love you then if something that is frowned upon happens to be brought out into the light they will be more willing to over look the inncident.
ReplyDeleteAppearances mean everything. While meeting new people, applying for a job, or participating in any event, appearances are the most important factor. The majority of employers do not really care what the employee is feeling on the inside; most of the time they know that they are not pumped to do their job, as long as they reluctantly do their job well, the employer is happy. All of the swearing in the world could be done in the workers head, but a happy exterior is all that is necessary to satisfy an employer. Also, appearances make a difference while meeting new people. If a person meets another for the first time, but the other person is gloomy and a bummer to be around, the chances are that they will probably not be talking to each other very often. (Unless, of course, the particular person enjoys being around gloomy people.) Basically, just because a person is portraying certain characteristics on the outside, it does not mean that they feel that way on the inside. A gloomy person could actually be a happy person that just happened to have an off day. First impressions are always based on appearances, so that should be kept in mind whenever someone wants to put up a front and be someone they are not.
ReplyDeleteThere is a difference between pretending to be someone you are not, and being on your best behavior. Like Kristen said, appearances are important. However, that does not necessarily mean to go so far as to put up a front. People naturally desire to be accepted, thought highly of, and trusted. Since this is the case, it is common to try to put the best foot forward, and come across in the most appealing light possible. If they are only pretending, and not just trying to be on their best behavior, it is very likely that they will be caught in their lies. It is typically easiest to be oneself, so eventually the mask will slip and show the true person lurking beneath. The more extreme they go into their acting, the more likely it is that they will be discovered in the end.
ReplyDeleteI think that when Vonnegut says you are who you pretend to be, He is saying that the only person who can possibly know the true you, down to the smallest detail, is yourself. By pretending to be someone you could lie, or could just simply not reveal everything. No one, not even the best of friends, can know absolutely everything about you. Even if you reveal your secrets to them, they will never understand fully what goes on in your head. The person you pretend to be is the part of you people know or even just see. For instance, if you wear a shirt with your favorite band on it, then someone who sees you for the first time is only going to get that impression of you. Even though our actions can reveal our desires, no actions can precisely represent our true selves in all our complexity. Out of all the people that know you, or have even just seen you, there are probably hundreds of different perceptions of who you are. Most of us do put up a front from time to time, but even if you don't, you are still inaccurately portraying yourself more than you realize.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Heather. I believe if we act fake long enough, we become whoever we were faking to be. However, it mostly works toward the negative than positive outlooks (like thinking and acting like the Queen of England and becoming her). It’s almost like when you’re a teenager, searching for your identity—although it’s your own, you’re still ignorant. When you’re around your friends, you start talking like them, dressing like them, and before you know it, you’re D.N.A. is almost identical (figuratively speaking, of course). Also, when you’re emotionally despaired and insecure, you may think you’re ugly. Thus, over time, you may stop caring about your appearance and become ugly.
ReplyDeleteI personally believe that there are many cases that you can become what you pretend to be. I know that, if I am sad, I can pretend to be happy, and I often will become happier. Obviously, if you pretend to be a specific person, you will not actually become that person. You may, however, adopt many of their characteristics as your own. You may forget what you originally thought, because you may get so use to defending your false ideals. I'm a huge OU fan, but if I told people that I was an OSU fan enough, I would probably start to believe it. When you pretend to be something else, you may be living a lie, but others don't know that. Eventually, if you hear yourself say it enough and you live it, you can fool even yourself. You can forget who you were and truly become someone else, and many do. Many people are so desperate to become someone or something else that they lose who they were along the way.
ReplyDeleteI think we can all appear to be something we're not. I personally experience this all the time. I never act exactly the same way towards one person that I act with another. I interact with every single person slightly differently. The reason for this is because not everyone is the same, therefore in order for two people to have the exact same impression of you, you may have to act with a little more kindness towards one than the other.
ReplyDeleteMonica, do you agree that sometimes people strive to be "someone else" not out of desperation but out of ambition?
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to ponder the moment at which lie becomes truth.
I agree with Monica on this one. People can pretend to feel happy when they are actually sad. This succeeds in actually creating that feeling of happiness. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with this because it actually causes the people around you to become happier as well. You may not be true to yourself when you pretend to be someone else, but I believe you can become more like the person you are trying to imitate. When you pretend to be someone else the only person you can never fool is yourself. Sometimes this doesn’t matter to people. Many people would give anything to actually be the person that they pretend to be. I don’t think this can really be considered wrong, but it isn’t exactly honest either.
ReplyDeleteHeather: It may be true that "true emotion will always trump false pretenses," but is it not also possible that while emotions are transitory (guilt or remorse, for example), actions (whatever the motive behind them) are enduring? In the context of Mother Night, what does it mean to say that "true emotion will always trump false pretenses"? How night Campbell respond to this claim?
ReplyDeleteKendall: You refer several times to "true feelings," and I wonder what the alternative is. Is there such a thing as "false feelings"? Could an example of a "false feeling" be a transitory emotion of anger and jealousy? Couldn't someone feel anger and later realize that they shouldn't feel those things? Couldn't that be the result of a maturing?
ReplyDeleteYour statement above suggests that a person who feels anger all the time might be able to change. If they did change, would they still be "true" to themselves?
Why should we consider emotions (which can be transitory) to be "true" reflections of a person's essential identity? Is identity a never-changing essence? Isn't it possible to "act" your way into a new way of thinking (and feeling)?
Do you think Howard J. Campbell undergoes any sort of maturation process as a result of the experiences he describes in Mother Night? Does his "true" identity change over the course of the novel as he assumes and sheds different public "masks"?
Dr. Benton:
ReplyDeletein response to your question on August 15th,I feel that you have made a valid point in that we as people do want to have maybe a "false" sense of feelings every now and then. Another example, a mother tells her child that everything is okay and the child's father will be okay, even though he suffered a terrible accident and isn't expected to live. I feel that true feelings should always be used unless in minor cases like these.